Who is the Expert?
Why Advice Doesn’t Offer Long-Term Value
Our society has a tendency to offer advice when someone asks for assistance, and many of us will specifically ask for advice when we encounter a fork in the road.
Before we get into the effectiveness of advice and why we seek it, let’s talk a little about what advice is.
Giving advice involves drawing on one’s own expertise to make an educated suggestion to another person. A person who asks for advice may or may not realize that they are surrendering their own expertise for that of the other person.
Therefore, if the person from whom you are asking advice is not an expert on the subject, then their reply may not get you any closer to a decision or action. And yet, regardless of the subject, we still ask our friends and family for advice, and we still offer advice to those around us.
So why do we offer advice?
The simple answer is that we may believe that giving advice, whether asked for it or not, will help someone make a decision, solve a problem, or reach a goal.
Many times, when people see someone in need of support, they try to give it to them the only way they know how: by giving advice. This advice is based on their own knowledge and experience because that is all they know.
And after all…
You can’t know something that you don’t know.
Sounds almost ridiculous in its simplicity, but recognizing the truth of that statement can give us the awareness it will take to learn a better way to help each other.
Why do people ask for advice?
Perhaps they feel stuck in a situation and do not know what action to take next. There is a part of them that is too overwhelmed to approach the decision themselves, so they tap into the expertise of those around them.
Asking advice from someone you are close to is a possible indication that you care about that person’s view of you and that you admire or respect the knowledge they have. It’s even possible that this person was simply handy at the moment you needed assistance.
Receiving advice is a short-term solution that will not equip you with the tools to handle other problems or decisions as they arise, but it might help at that moment.
Therefore, advice may be perfectly okay when the decision itself is not deeply important to you. After all, asking a friend what kind of dish soap to buy may not be an appropriate time to get into a long discussion about what you really want from your dish soap.
Another time that advice may be beneficial is when you specifically care about how others will view you. For instance, if you are accompanying your loved one to a company dinner party, you may ask them for advice on what to wear that will make a great impression on their boss.
But for most other important decisions, advice has a limit to its effectiveness.
So how effective is advice?
Advice certainly has its time and place. For instance, if your doctor advises you to take a prescription medication, that advice is valuable. He is a trained expert in that field and has your good health in mind.
However, let’s say he has prescribed a pain medication that makes you nauseous, drowsy, and unable to enjoy your daily activities.
You suddenly have a decision to make: Cope with the pain using a non-medicinal method so that you can go about your normal schedule, or continue taking the medication and give up some of the activities you once loved.
If you ask someone for advice on this, and they tell you what they think you should do, how confident will you feel with this decision?
Their advice is based on their own values and experiences, which unfortunately have nothing to do with YOUR values, and goals. For example, your advisor may believe in the power of medicine and think that you should always follow what your doctor tells you, regardless of the personal cost.
But how does that relate to your values? That person is an expert on their own life and values, but not an expert on yours. What would happen if they took the time to ask you about your values and what YOU want?
What are the activities that you would have to give up due to the side effects of the medication?
How often do you participate in these activities?
What would life be like if you gave them up?
Would you still be able to participate if you did not take your medication and were in pain?
Now, they are asking you questions that only YOU can answer, because you are the only expert in the subject of YOU.
By asking these questions, they are helping you tap into your own expertise; something you may have difficulty examining on your own if you are in the midst of a stressful decision.
You are the only expert in the subject matter that is at the root of everything you do, and that subject is YOU.
Coaches are great resources for support and assistance because they understand that in all matters in your life, YOU are the expert. They are trained to observe and ask the right questions to inspire you and get your thoughts and actions organized and underway.
Before we get into the effectiveness of advice and why we seek it, let’s talk a little about what advice is.
Giving advice involves drawing on one’s own expertise to make an educated suggestion to another person. A person who asks for advice may or may not realize that they are surrendering their own expertise for that of the other person.
Therefore, if the person from whom you are asking advice is not an expert on the subject, then their reply may not get you any closer to a decision or action. And yet, regardless of the subject, we still ask our friends and family for advice, and we still offer advice to those around us.
So why do we offer advice?
The simple answer is that we may believe that giving advice, whether asked for it or not, will help someone make a decision, solve a problem, or reach a goal.
Many times, when people see someone in need of support, they try to give it to them the only way they know how: by giving advice. This advice is based on their own knowledge and experience because that is all they know.
And after all…
You can’t know something that you don’t know.
Sounds almost ridiculous in its simplicity, but recognizing the truth of that statement can give us the awareness it will take to learn a better way to help each other.
Why do people ask for advice?
Perhaps they feel stuck in a situation and do not know what action to take next. There is a part of them that is too overwhelmed to approach the decision themselves, so they tap into the expertise of those around them.
Asking advice from someone you are close to is a possible indication that you care about that person’s view of you and that you admire or respect the knowledge they have. It’s even possible that this person was simply handy at the moment you needed assistance.
Receiving advice is a short-term solution that will not equip you with the tools to handle other problems or decisions as they arise, but it might help at that moment.
Therefore, advice may be perfectly okay when the decision itself is not deeply important to you. After all, asking a friend what kind of dish soap to buy may not be an appropriate time to get into a long discussion about what you really want from your dish soap.
Another time that advice may be beneficial is when you specifically care about how others will view you. For instance, if you are accompanying your loved one to a company dinner party, you may ask them for advice on what to wear that will make a great impression on their boss.
But for most other important decisions, advice has a limit to its effectiveness.
So how effective is advice?
Advice certainly has its time and place. For instance, if your doctor advises you to take a prescription medication, that advice is valuable. He is a trained expert in that field and has your good health in mind.
However, let’s say he has prescribed a pain medication that makes you nauseous, drowsy, and unable to enjoy your daily activities.
You suddenly have a decision to make: Cope with the pain using a non-medicinal method so that you can go about your normal schedule, or continue taking the medication and give up some of the activities you once loved.
If you ask someone for advice on this, and they tell you what they think you should do, how confident will you feel with this decision?
Their advice is based on their own values and experiences, which unfortunately have nothing to do with YOUR values, and goals. For example, your advisor may believe in the power of medicine and think that you should always follow what your doctor tells you, regardless of the personal cost.
But how does that relate to your values? That person is an expert on their own life and values, but not an expert on yours. What would happen if they took the time to ask you about your values and what YOU want?
What are the activities that you would have to give up due to the side effects of the medication?
How often do you participate in these activities?
What would life be like if you gave them up?
Would you still be able to participate if you did not take your medication and were in pain?
Now, they are asking you questions that only YOU can answer, because you are the only expert in the subject of YOU.
By asking these questions, they are helping you tap into your own expertise; something you may have difficulty examining on your own if you are in the midst of a stressful decision.
You are the only expert in the subject matter that is at the root of everything you do, and that subject is YOU.
Coaches are great resources for support and assistance because they understand that in all matters in your life, YOU are the expert. They are trained to observe and ask the right questions to inspire you and get your thoughts and actions organized and underway.
